2.4 Psychological consequences of disappearances and the expectations of relatives.

There is hardly any appropriate documentation that deepens the topic based on abundant clinical research and experience.

There are different approaches to the subject, they are written in brief form that provide a very superficial presentation on how to approach the issue when a professional is requested as emotional support for relatives of missing persons.

Therefore, we can say that the topic is in the process of research, construction and confirmation of the best ways, techniques and resources to address the problem of disappearances in the social sphere and the corresponding family and personal crises that they generate.

As professionals, we are building intuitively and with the knowledge we possess, a new working method for this type of conflict that previously had not received the attention it obviously deserved. The family member of a missing person is subjected to the same situation of disappearance. to a permanent state of stress, anguish, and anxiety that lasts indefinitely (which is directly related to how the disappearance of your loved one evolves).

The emotional stages that relatives of missing persons go through are practically the same as those experienced in a classic grieving process.

Grief is a natural process that families must go through to overcome the new emotional situation that arises after any loss or detachment.

It applies to any type of significant loss in the life of the sufferer, it may be a divorce, losses related to health, work, friendship, death of a loved one, etc. and every disappearance is obviously a loss.

Normally any duel goes through different stages, the best known are:

• THE DENIAL PHASE.
• THE PHASE OF ANGER, ANGER OR EVEN INDIFFERENCE.
• THE NEGOTIATION PHASE.
• THE EMOTIONAL PAIN PHASE.
• THE ACCEPTANCE PHASE.

That is why professionals who are knowledgeable in the subject affirm that ANY DISAPPEARANCE REQUIRES (the person who is suffering it) TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH EMOTIONAL GRIEF.

It is undoubtedly a detachment, a loss that consequently brings serious damage, pain, uncertainties, insecurity, confusion, mixed feelings, and emotional instability.

As the authors Ginna Pulido and Beatriz E. Encizo say : “Within the forced disappearance, a loss that has no answer is reconstructed, an unfinished process of mourning when faced with the impossibility of knowing the truth of the facts, the way in which occurred and the final fate of the victim. Loneliness, anger, guilt, uncertainty, hopelessness, resentment, feeling persecuted, leave serious psychological consequences.

As a result of the above, the family is destabilized, dismembered, disoriented, and then the only real and firm support they had is lost.

Time stagnates and the possibilities of overcoming the trauma are minimal due to not even being able to carry out the rituals established for mourning due to one’s own cultural context, which cause pain and allow one to come to terms with the loss.”

What should a professional do to properly contain the family member of a missing person?

How can you help him accept the new reality where the being he always had as someone significant in his life… is no longer there… and even worse: without knowing with any certainty where and how he is?

If the missing person is a person who was highly involved in the life of the family member (e.g. a husband, a child, a father, a partner, etc.), a deep emotional breakdown will undoubtedly be generated in the life of that family member, of which They must learn to recover or they will collapse definitively. Resorting to points of support and emotional support will allow them to rebuild themselves from the impact that it means now to have A DISAPPEARANCE on their life, hitting their emotions daily, without rest, generating anguish, helplessness, fears, restlessness. , uncertainties, insecurity, loneliness and despair.

How can you learn to live daily with emotions so strong that they will condition the rest of your life until you finally find answers to your questions?

It is evident that his psyche is crying out for a space where he can pour out so many internal contradictions… so many questions… so many fears… so much helplessness… so much pain.

Have a therapeutic space that allows you to understand what reasoning does not accept and emotions refuse to admit.

The acceptance process is the same as that of any duel…only there is an enormous difference: in duels the losses are definitive, concrete, clear and do not generate intrigue or suspicion…you know clearly and indisputably what that it will no longer be… the reality that must be let go… the person knows that there is a new life situation that they must accept… there is knowledge of what will never be the same as before.

But in a disappearance that stage fails, it remains unfinished…because there are always questions… You cannot make an adequate closure to emotional grief.

Initially and in an imposed manner, the person must accept a new element in their life:

the uncertain, your emotions must negotiate with question marks…

You have to learn to live with the imprecise, with the unknown, with the insecure, and with constant fear.

In other aspects, the duel goes the same way:

In the first phase, which is DENIAL , the family member refuses to assimilate that someone who until recently spoke with him, lived with him, shared intimate moments with him… is simply NO LONGER… has vanished into the air… there is no way to contact it, to know how, and where it is… The first emotional impact is not being able to believe it, nor accept it.

A reality that has been so consistent and firm in our lives… suddenly “disappears” as if in an act of magic, leaving the person with a destructuring in their psyche.

A part of himself cannot assimilate the new situation. And his psyche simply denies it.

In the next stage, which is that of IRA , emotions begin to flow… and they do so at the same time as the helplessness that is felt: anger arises when seeing that there are questions without answers… when seeing that the environment does not understands the gravity of what is being experienced… feeling alone in the fight… see that the effort they put into searching for the missing person every day is not enough, that there is no social support to contain them.

Αlso arises with the missing person because he did not know how to properly inform about his activities, where he was going, when he would return, who he would be with. As the mystery takes shape around the disappearance, anger and helplessness increase.

In the NEGOTIATION phase , the psyche (seeking answers) understands that there is no better way to survive the crisis generated by disappearance than to search for effectiveness in movements, learn to face the new reality with the most appropriate tools, stop lose energy and pain that do not lead to any type of progress or relief.

Solutions are sought for everyone’s new emotional situation and agreements are reached with the immediate environment, family, friends, society, authorities… focusing on a more tolerable lifestyle to continue the search without so many collapses. At this stage the psyche asks for a rest, a truce.

In the next phase, PAIN is the main protagonist. Suffering emerges strongly…

Of all the stages of GRIEF, it is the one in which anguish is felt most clearly, after understanding with less rebellion that reality will no longer be the same… it is the beginning of ACCEPTANCE of the new reality And all that entails Becoming aware of the events that occurred without embellishment, without veils, without deception, naked, the LOSS is perceived with more intensity.

This is when the family member of the missing person suffers the most and collapses… and it is by going through this stage of pain that the final phase is reached.

The acceptation . Understanding that accepting is not the same as forgetting… the missing person is positioned in a new place in their lives… at this precise moment the fight is taken as the objective, the internal reorganization points only to one goal: which is to find him and to be the voice and presence of the disappeared from love.

This is when it is firmly assumed that the emotional bond with the missing person is never broken but it is admitted that one must return to each person’s life, accepting that the constant search will be the new and main cord of union with the missing person.

The unfathomable damage caused by a disappearance requires a point of support for emotional reconstruction.

Another aspect to attend to and take into account on a professional level is the family breakdown that usually triggers a disappearance.

It is obvious that each person from their link with the missing person will travel a different path in their absence.

Some will have better tools than others to deal with it.

Some will resist accepting it more than others.

Some will have a weaker emotional fragility than others to assimilate this new reality, and will fall apart more easily.

Others, on the contrary, will have greater strength to be able to act in a way that makes them feel participants in the search, they will have a new rhythm of life where collaborating with investigations, investigations, investigations will make them feel effective and that they contribute something, and This new way of living will give them at least a type of certainty (the only one they can have at the moment): “I am acting, I am doing something, I am facing the new reality and I am looking for solutions, I am not trapped in helplessness, fear and The anguish.